“What Are You Looking For?” On Every First Date Ever.

You ever do the dating apps? OH and I had to replace the damn fresh cut tree (yes I also did a second freaking cut when I got it home…asked literally every person who ever has gotten a live tree)…but I’ll get to that.

I’ve talked about my dating misadventures in previous blogs. To summarize: men suck. So do women. My dating experience has been limited to: men who live with their parents, men who are super passive even though it says in my dating profile not looking for passive…because that doesn’t go well with me. Literally had a guy say at a second date “You’re going to have to slap me in the face to make anything every happen.” First off…I don’t even know what that means but I won’t be slapping anyone in the face. Thanks. There was no third date. But there was a text that he thought we could be good friends. Puke.

But I digress. With all the bad dates. And there have been many. Many. I’ve had to think about what would make up a good date. Or perchance a good relationship. Because what I thought was good in my 20’s landed into not good in my 30’s with my ex. So I’ve thought a lot about this. What is a good relationship? And the cliche first date question is “What are you looking for?” I have a response now. I just am not sure that it exists. In one person. Maybe I’ll have to go poly.

I’ve whittled it down to two short paragraphs. The first is from The Line. You ever listen to the podcast or watch the documentary on AppleTV? I’ve done both. Blew my mind both times. Because I normally do NOT side with Republicans. In fact I still feel mind-fucked to even be considering their side. But that’s not really what this is about. It’s about the wife of Eddie Gallagher. Eddie killed an Isis soldier and then was arrested and charged for it. I know. It’s counter-intuitive. He was in Iraq to kill Isis soldiers. But there’s a whole documentary about it- war crimes, etc.

Eddie is generally unlikeable on the podcast- he is more likable or perhaps more understandable on the documentary. But I’m not looking for an Eddie. I’m looking for the loyalty his wife and his brother show him. I mean, talk about a partner having to literally give their all for their partner. I generally find Andrea (his wife) unlikeable. But, even I can admire her tenacity in fighting for freedom for her husband. So when some one asks me what I’m looking for? That. I’m looking for a partner who would move the sun and the earth to fight for me. And some one I would do the same for because I believe in them, in us, so hard that I’d do anything for them.

It’s hard to put that into words though; especially if they have not seen the documentary or listened to the podcast. But I guess loyalty, love, and a fierce protectiveness.

My second metaphor or analogy or whatever is a look. It took me until I was in my late 20’s to recognize a look of lust. I’m kind of dense. It also took me until my late 20’s to realize some one is flirting with me. But now in my late 30’s…I get it…I still may say something awkward like “Ooohhh you’re flirting!” Then they get embarrassed. Then I walk away.

But the point is; I recognize it. It still surprises me because, I’m generally looking exhausted running around with my kids, but I do recognize when it happens.

The other thing I’m looking for in a partner is the look you give and you get when you make eye contact across the room and you just know you want to hop into the nearest closet/car/bed and rip their clothes off. And vice versa. I want to be wanted and I want to want some one else that badly. Some could say passion has led to some bad decisions in my life. But that doesn’t mean I should give up on it. I want the lust as much as the love.

The problem with me saying that to a guy…is they think I want to hop into bed. On the first date. Because as I said…men suck. But so do women. So I’ll be single. With my pup. And my two cats. And the damn Christmas tree.

I got a fake one. The real one died. Literally died. Needles everywhere. Ornament transfer. Dragging dead tree out of house…that’s it. That’s the end. Love. Lust. Loyalty. Republicans. And a fake Christmas tree.