You know you’re a millennial when…the movies of the late 90’s and early 2000’s still define who I am as a person. And they are grossly underrated by all these twats coming after us. You know I’ve met multiple people (mostly my clients in their early to mid-20’s) who have never see Lethal Weapon or Bad Boys? To be fair Lethal Weapon was 80’s but Bad Boys?! None of them! Do you know how many times I’ve referenced a line and they stare at me blankly or worse like I’m old?!

Despicable. But the worst is if they have not seen A Knight’s Tale. Not only is Heath Ledger probably one of the best actors to live (and die far too young) but it’s hilarious, sad, poignant, and action packed.

It’s also historically relevant because it’s loosely based on Chaucer’s A Knights Tale. There are many parts of this movie that speak to me, essentially the whole movie. Because it’s an underdog story of a young man being told he can’t. But then he does. I have always felt that. As a girl I was told I was too smart, too loud, too opinionated, as a woman I’ve been told the same.

All William wants to do is joust. And he’s rather good at it. He builds a team ultimately who believe in him and who stand in front of him in the stocks to block the rotten food being thrown at him. That’s when Prince Edward unveils himself and steps up to William who is dirty and weak and bent in the stocks.

Prince Edward (who is also kind of hot) leans over and says “What a pair we make huh? Both trying to hide who we are, both unable to do so. Your men love you. If I knew nothing else about you, that would be enough. But you also tilt when you should withdraw…and that is knightly, too.”

Tilting exposing a knight’s face and leaves them vulnerable to injury but it also gives them the most advantage in striking their opponent.

That scene gets me every time. I’m usually crying by the time he pulls William out of the stocks and he shakily kneels in front of the prince.

It’s quite a thing to be seen. To truly be seen. If you think about it there are very few people we come across in life who see our true selves for all that we are. Who have the patience, the insight, and the ability to see who you are.

That scene gave me hope as a teenager that I could be something more. That I could “change my stars” and along the way I would meet people who truly do see me.

I had to grow into a person I was proud to have people truly see. It was hard in nursing as a confident, smart, and direct woman. The feedback was mostly negative. And the message was to do my job and not question management even when nurses were being assaulted and abused. God forbid I ask for mental health services after a major assault or updated TdAp vaccines for the entire staff after two pertussis exposures to me personally and twenty other staff members.

It took distance and time and therapy for me to realize that what I sought was not wrong. I’m allowed to take up space and ask for reasonable accommodations, help, and support from my employer especially when working in high acuity and dangerous areas.

People seemed to listen when I spoke. I was told by a manager after I became an APRN that I was an “unofficial leader” because they knew everyone would listen to me but that I was not actually in charge. That surprised me. I didn’t realize people paid attention to me honestly.

That conversation opened the door for me to open my own practice. I was not wrong to be smart and confident and direct. I was not wrong to expect a safe work environment. And I could get that. But I’d have to do it on my own.

Five years later I am safe and I’m surrounded by people who truly see me and appreciate me personally and professionally.

It’s been validating to be in business for myself and treat employees the way I wanted to be treated and to see their appreciation and the loyalty that it builds. I’m not perfect. I’m still too direct. And I am impatient sometimes. And maybe too patient other times. I also tilt when I should withdraw- I fight the fight for clients, employees, I fight insurers, and my favorite line is “I’ve got nothing but time,” whenever I’m told that something is not possible…I make it possible. And my friends, family, and co-workers see this.

They see me and finally that what were perceived as negative traits are actually positive and have helped me grow a business and expand mental health services for the Queer community.

I’d like to think if I was in the stocks I’d have some people who would stand up to block the rotting vegetables from hitting me.

That’s a good feeling actually. Knowing I have people who see me and who think I’m worth protecting. They also would probably make very sarcastic remarks and jokes to work off their anxiety in the moment but they’d be there. (You know who you are;)

Because that is what’s important right? To have people who would block the rotten vegetables from you.

And every Gen Z-er reading this…this is why you are missing out. You don’t even know one of the life goals you are supposed to have. Lord have mercy.