Month: January 2020

Surviving my First Birthday Without my Dad
lesbian mom

Surviving my First Birthday Without my Dad

lesbehonest20171 Comment

This week I’ve been rundown. I’ve been feeling the stress at work. I’ve also been missing my Dad. I felt like I used to feel approaching the 6th every month since he died on April 6th. I kept thinking, it’s not the 6th, so why am I so raw? Oh right. My birthday.

My birthday serves as not just another first that I have to get through in the year after his death, but also a reminder that I lost my Dad before I even turned 35. I reached an age that my Dad would never see me in. The last time he saw me I was 34. For some reason this just seems monumental to me; to reach an age he won’t ever know me during.

My Dad was a goofy guy. Every year on my birthday he called me and sang Happy Birthday. My Dad had a horrendous singing voice. I mean super awful. It was better if I could pick up the phone and hear it live. Because if I let it go to voicemail he would sing Happy Birthday, loudly and off key, as per usual, then leave a long rambling message starting with “Hi! This your Father! Your Dad! Happy Happy Birthday…” and then would devolve into another song this was completely made up.

He would talk and sing until the voicemail cut him off usually.

As I said, it was better to pick up and get it live, so he would only do the one rendition.

This morning we all went to the playground. Then I went to hot yoga. On my way home I found myself crying. I forget what song came on in my car but it suddenly hit me that I wouldn’t be getting a phone call this year. No horrible rendition of Happy Birthday.

It’s these little things that we take for granted that I miss the most. Not everyone who knew us knew that was a birthday tradition. I never even thought of it as a tradition until it wasn’t going to happen this year.

I received many Happy Birthdays from my friends and family this year. But no call from my Dad.

Grief is a funny thing. Unpredictable. I never know what memory will trigger it. I knew my birthday would be hard. I didn’t know it would be hard because he wasn’t going to call and sing to me.

It seems like such a stupid thing to cry about. Such a small thing to miss. His singing voice was truly bad. But it wasn’t about the singing. It was about my dad making me a priority and having fun and doing something silly to make me smile.

By the afternoon I was feeling okay. By the evening when some friends came over and my Mom I was feeling more positive. I don’t mind turning thirty-five. Aside from the term “advanced maternal age” now applying to me there’s not anything scary to me about aging (I’m not having more kids I just find that label moderately horrifying if I were to have more kids).

We had a nice meal and gluten free cupcakes which were surprisingly delicious.

If my Dad were here he would have sang. He would have enjoyed the food and I would have not realized how precious every second with him was. Because it wasn’t until he was gone that I truly appreciated his Happy Birthday renditions which to me would be the sweetest sound I could of heard today.

It is with grief and also hope that I enter thirty-five. I grieve my dad. But I have hope that the grief will ease. Hanging out with my kids and my family and friends eases the grief and helps easing into a new chapter without my Dad more bearable.

Beef Stew Paleo (Instant Pot recipe)
PCOS & Endometriosis Recipes

Beef Stew Paleo (Instant Pot recipe)

lesbehonest2017Leave a comment

I used the instant pot for this. You can use a slow cooker- likely low for 5-6 hours. Or in a dutch oven or stew pot on the stovetop. That will take probably a couple hours to get a good simmer going and for it to thicken.

This also meets Whole 30 criteria.

  • 1 package beef stew meat
  • 1 butternut squash (you can use sweet potato) peeled and diced
  • 5-6 carrots peeled and diced
  • 1 pear (I used a standard green peel fat pear, mildly ripe, still somewhat firm)
  • 2 tbsp arrowroot powder (for thickening you don’t need this but without it will be thin broth)
  • 4 cups broth- bone broth or chicken broth low sodium
  • 1 tsp thyme
  • garlic 1 tsp minced
  • black pepper
  • 1 tsp oregano
  • if you have other veggies in your fridge that you want to use up feel free to add- kale or spinach would also be a good addition. The base recipe though is delicious on its own.

I put avocado oil in the instant pot and turned it on the “sauté” function on low. I added the meat. As I chopped the butternut squash and carrots and pear I added it all intermittently stirring.

I added a bit of broth to the pot while sautéing so it wouldn’t get too dry or stick to the bottom.

Then I added all the spices and the arrowroot powder. Stir it all together and make sure there are no arrowroot lumps…because that’s a thing that happens. If there are little white lumps in the stew at the end don’t freak out. It’s just arrowroot powder.

I did not peel the pear. You can if you don’t like peels.

After it was all in the pot, I added enough broth to cover it all and make it start to look like a soup. Then I put the lid on, turned the instant pot on low pressure setting and set for 8 minutes.

Mine was cooked through 8 minutes later. The carrots were a great consistency. I find that with pressure cookers you can overdo it and then it’s all just mush. I felt like with this setting and time it was all cooked perfectly- not mushy but cooked through.

I found the initial recipe in an Autoimmune Paleo cookbook. It didn’t have enough spices, and no onion- I didn’t use onion- but you definitely can and I probably will next time. I also felt like it could use some greens.

This stew was delicious as is though and easy with the instant pot.

The photo was right before the actual pressure cooking.

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The Broken Hearts of Nurses
Mental Health Stigma Suicide

The Broken Hearts of Nurses

lesbehonest2017Leave a comment

Sometimes when I write my patient notes I actually have to pause in between them. On busy days when I do three intakes I likely still have three intake notes to finish late at night after the boys go to bed and it’s just me and the laptop. Intakes can range from easy to me curled up in a ball on my bed watching The Office trying to forget the horror I heard today.

I remember working in the emergency department and documenting abuse cases. I tried to write as little as possible, as I didn’t want there to be any conflictual information between my notes and the MD’s notes. And good lord I didn’t want to be subpoena’d.

I’ve had my charts subpoena’d now. It happens eventually in healthcare. I’ve been called on the phone by judges who just found my chart in the middle of a trial who demand to speak with me about a patient I saw four years ago and asking about a note I wrote and did I think they would actually harm some one.

I’ve spoken to district attorneys and defense attorneys and divorce attorneys and DCF workers. Inpatient I spoke with the Secret Service, the Federal Marshal’s Office, the FBI, and several police departments.

Working outpatient mental health now I generally can avoid the Secret Service and the FBI so that’s a plus.

But sometimes the hardest cases and the toughest stories are the ones who never were reported to law enforcement. Because I know and they know that they suffered and that no one stepped up and protected them. No one made the call for them.

Now here they are all those years later telling me their story. All I can do is listen, document it, and support them now in that moment. I’ve learned a hollow “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it. They’ve heard that before.

My general response is a poker expression, so they keep talking, and/or if they are looking for some verbal confirmation that I’m listening, “That’s fucked up.” or “That’s horrible.” I’m sorry isn’t enough. But when you acknowledge that it was fucked up with a straight face that looks like maybe you would fuck a person up for this client for what they’ve been through. That had I been there all those years ago I would have called the police for you or DCF or both…that’s when they make eye contact and really see you.

They can really see that your heart breaks for them.

I always see articles about nursing being the most trusted profession. Then commentary on why it’s nurses and not MDs. I’m always thinking why would it be MDs? Why not nurses? Do people even know what nurses do every day?

I’ve had a long week. Hard week. I’m also approaching my first birthday without my Dad. That’s been weighing on me in the background.

But this week in between being yelled at, threatened, etc. by patients and former patients, I’ve had parents call and tell me “They wanted to fire you and I told them oh hell no because she’s the only one who gives a shit about you and your medications. She’s the only one that’s done a damn thing for you. So she was what? Brutally brutally honest with you?! Good. You freaking deserve to hear the truth and she’s too real to not tell it you. They are coming back to see you. Because I don’t trust any one else to see them.”

Some times I need to hear that.

There’s a Frasier episode when he starts private practice. His first day of course is a disaster. He starts by trying to welcome’s each client. By the end he says just come in a sit down. That’s how I felt by 3 PM Friday. Just get in here and sit down and let’s get through this.

But you can’t do that. I can’t do that. I had to be there. Present and accounted for. I did a lot of intakes this week. I kept thinking about how to welcome them into my practice. I find though that I’m an acquired taste.

I had a few clients disagree with me this week. What’s great is that they keep coming back. I teach through modeling that it’s okay to disagree. That I disagree without judging their opinion. That we can disagree about certain aspects to their diagnosis or treatment and still work together often by reaching a compromise and often by me working hard to understand and validate their point of view.

Psychiatry is hard. Nursing is hard. Because at the end of a week like this week I don’t want to spend time with my kids. I don’t want to be a wife. I want to curl up and watch The Office. Space out. Forget and not feel. But if I do that. If I numb out I don’t feel my heart aching for some of my clients. That would defeat the reason I became a nurse.

Instead of numbing out with tv or alcohol or anything else. I am writing my notes. Charting. In between my notes I’m writing this blog post. To feel. To process. To know it’s okay for my eyes to well up when I think of the experiences some people have lived through. It’s okay for me to feel something for my work for my people. Because if I didn’t feel that. If I lost my empathy then I’d be useless at my job.

That’s why nursing is the most trusted profession. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable with patients. We feel their pain we work ourselves to exhaustion trying to help people. It’s also why we have incredibly high burnout rates but…that’s a different blogpost.

Tonight my heart aches for people who were never helped by anyone but themselves.

Tonight my cheeks may be wet with tears as I chart notes from this week.

Yes tonight my heart breaks with the pain that I bear witness to each day in my office.

I don’t regret my job I don’t even hate it. I love it. Which I suppose makes me a bit of a masochist. But all the notes don’t make me cry. Just a few. There are many more that report “significant improvement in symptoms” and a call from a parent who had to tell me they would never trust anyone else with their child.

PCOS & Endometriosis Recipes

Best Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Cookies

lesbehonest2017Leave a comment

I adapted this from a Martha Stewart recipe for chocolate chip cookies. The original recipe is obviously not gluten free and the result is very cake-y cookies. I like them thick though. My issue with the toll house recipe is sometimes they sink in on themselves. That irritates me.

For those people who like to mess around with perfection…yes you can use any flour combination you want. If you’ve read my other recipes though you know that I used to work in a bakery, therefore I am a snob about baked goods, and have tinkered with various recipes for over five years. This one included. Trust me when I say this is as close to a non-gluten free chocolate chip cookie that you are going to get.

They freeze well and the batter tastes like actual cookie dough with no horrible grainy texture and no weird aftertaste (You will get that with buckwheat flour, brown rice flour, and coconut flour. Even a tiny amount). These are not healthy cookies. Gluten free does not equal healthy.

If you are vegan- use a dairy free butter but they still have eggs in them. You can use substitutes for the eggs to make them vegan. They are going to taste funny though-I’ve tried using butter and egg substitutes. It’s okay; not great; just okay.

  • 2 sticks unsalted butter (1/2 cup) (room temp)
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 2 eggs (room temp is best)
  • 1.5 tsp vailla extract
  • 3 cups Flour
    • 1 cup (plus extra) oat flour
    • 1 cup white rice superfine flour
    • 1 cup tapioca flour
    • 1/4-1/2 cup arrowroot flour
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 1/4 tsp baking soda
  • 1 12 oz bag chocolate chips
  • optional- FINELY chopped walnuts or pecans roughly 1/2 cup chopped

Cream the butter in a mixer. This is an important step for cookies. Don’t skip it. Once the butter is light and fluffy then add the sugar. Then add the vanilla and eggs. Mix well.

Then add the rest of the ingredients (not the chocolate chips). This part is important. You want the consistency to be thick. Thicker than normal gluten filled cookies. You can add oats and cinnamon in place of some of the flour if you want oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

I’ve done this recipe several times. Maybe a hundred over the years. I’ve never used the same amount of flours. It’s always a bit of an eyeball situation. After I add the 3.5 cups of the listed ingredients I then slowly add either more of the oat or more of the white rice flour bit by bit until it gets to the desired thickness.

When you’re adding the chocolate chips the batter should be hard to stir. The mixer should not be able to do it. You will have to do it by hand.

I also chill the dough. Only for about 10-15 minutes, but long enough to let it rest.

You can make it without the baking powder. The cookies will be flat. Still good. But flat. Trust me.

Bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes. My kids and three of their friends devoured these tonight. Four year olds are a tough audience. They had no idea they were gluten free.

 

 

Homophobic In-laws and Fixing the Broken Doggy
homophobia · lesbian mom

Homophobic In-laws and Fixing the Broken Doggy

lesbehonest20171 Comment

This week has been rough. Clients/family/adulting (in the form of medical bills, taxes as a business owner etc.)…tough…along with restarting intermittent fasting hardcore. Which makes me rather cranky. In the midst of hell week…a call from my wife’s family.

My wife’s company gave out Fitbits in order to track our steps and exercise patterns. They will put extra money into our HSA if we hit certain goals. So yeah. If you’re familiar with fitbit you know that they apparently vibrate when you haven’t moved in awhile?! Now not only am I making dietary changes like intermittent fasting and paleo based diet but I have a watch that vibrates to tell me that I am sedentary. Awesome.

It’s generally guaranteed to start vibrating during that intense moment with a client when they are revealing something super personal and vrrrmmm vrrrrmmm vrrrrmmm “you haven’t moved in awhile!” And I’m thinking this damn watch has to go.

I work as a nurse practitioner with 30 minute appointments for medication management follow-ups, 60 minutes for therapy, and yeah I’m booked through February so there’s a lot of back to back appointments with me only moving to walk some one out and the next one in.

But thanks for the reminder that I haven’t moved.

I have bumped up hot yoga to 3 nights a week again. Which makes me feel less bad when that damn thing vibrates.

This week also started every morning with my sons as a shit-show. Yesterday Jackson slammed Declan’s fingers in the bathroom door- it was an accident- but no less horrible. Screaming. Bleeding. Swelling. Meanwhile in my head I’m like, ‘I need to make my smoothie and we have to leave in twenty minutes!’ We had to call my wife, and my Mom via FaceTime to tell all his people his sad story and show them his swollen bleeding fingers.

He recovered and I got to make my smoothie.

Friday morning was show-and-tell. Me- “Don’t bring that it will break!” Him “I’m bringing it, it won’t break Mama I promise!” Him at 6:30 tonight when I come home, “Mama! My puppy broke!!!” Me- “———” Me in my head “Mother&$^#&@*$&*@$*###&&$$*#(@&&”

Let me add a little lesbian content (That’s a Hannah Gadsby reference if you still haven’t watched Nanette stop reading and go watch it, we can’t be friends until you do) my wife’s family disowned her 13 years ago now.

Then in this lesbian mom’s group I’m in some one asked how to cope with watching your partner deal with being disowned by her family. Too many responses. Too many of us have experience with this. My response was there’s nothing you can do. Keep your opinions to yourself. I didn’t share my opinions until we had kids. Then it was, they are either in or out. None of this pussyfooting bullshit. I don’t walk a line. I pick a side.

They didn’t impact me emotionally. But they weren’t going to be in and out or set up false expectations to our children. My boys either have a second set of grandparents or they don’t. Her parents have consistently chosen the side of intolerance and hate under the guise of religion.

What irks me, yes irks, is their consistent statements that they are “praying for us” to be brought over to “God’s plan”. Because I’m always thinking, “What if you’re wrong and THIS, this amazing life we have, is God’s plan?!”

I could go on. And on. But I won’t. Well maybe a little because yes that was said this week. The we are praying for you line. It’s also rather mean-spirited because if their prayers were truly answered our family would be split up. If we “followed God’s path or plan or whatever” we would both be heterosexual, divorce, and preach against gay marriage. That seems counterproductive and insulting. To everything that we are.

Suffice it to say, love your kids. Unconditionally. Even if they bring the stupid overpriced breakable puppy, that they painted in a stupid overpriced paint your own pottery shop, to daycare for show-and-tell when you explicitly warned them not to do it.

I glued the stupid puppy back together. I’ve had to chip off certain pieces with the biggest knife in our house (because the little knives didn’t work and weren’t sharp enough), glued my fingers to the stupid puppy (it’s gorilla glue, and trying to make nice seams)…but I still love those kids.

I’m also approaching my first birthday without my Dad. Yeah, I would never waste one second with my kids. I want to be in their lives until they tell me to go away, and even then I’ll come back.

We have our challenges. We butt heads. But their sexual orientation and gender identity wouldn’t make me turn them away, it would make me love them harder/stronger/more protective. Instead of kicking them out why would I not feel the need to protect them more?!

I will never understand my wife’s family’s decision. To cut her off and throw her out. To then continue homophobic views after she’s a Mommy and after we have two beautiful sons. I continue to pity them and the live’s they miss out on and I also continue to pray for them to see the light and love and acceptance of a God so different from their own.

I have no regrets in my relationship with my Dad. My only regret is not having more time with him. I knew with his last breath that he loved my sister and I. I knew we were his life. I knew that because he waited to die until she left and I was in the other room. He even tried to greet me and my sons with a smile the day he died.

I hope I have many years until my own death, but when it comes I will meet it with no regrets in my relationship with my sons. Because I choose love. I choose tolerance. I choose to accept rather than cast aside. I choose to learn from my parents and my wife’s parents. My parents accepted and loved.

I choose to pass on the legacy of love. Nothing less.

So I fixed the puppy.

Followed by a discussion about them listening to me when I veto a show-and-tell decision.

 

 

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Yes it’s freaky looking
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The Broken Puppy Glued back together
Therapy for the Therapist
Mental Health Stigma Suicide

Therapy for the Therapist

lesbehonest2017Leave a comment

I did a couple years of therapy when I was getting my master’s in psychiatry. It was helpful. Then I felt rather done with it. My therapist agreed. We had done a lot of work and covered a lot of ground and I was much better after I graduated and started working in mental health and out of the emergency department.

I’m generally quite open with my own clients about my therapy experience- not the actual content- but the process; especially when trying to talk people into therapy who are reluctant. Essentially I relate that I found it helpful,  that it can be time limited, and it’s important to find some one you vibe with and it may take a few tries to find that “right fit”. My first therapist was nuts- I didn’t see her for very long.

My second one was awesome. I actually sent him a birth announcement when I had the boys with a little note thanking him for all the work we did together as I felt I would not have made it through the fertility treatments without having gone into it in the best mental state of my life.

After my Dad died last April and I was coping with significant stressors at work I started feeling like I didn’t get to grieve my Dad. I also felt like I was becoming generally more depressed and less motivated. I knew the cause was the death of my Dad and generally watching his decline over the last two years.

I also knew it was time for me to go back to therapy. The issue became finding a therapist who could see some one in a Queer marriage, because trust me heterosexual therapists just are not the same. I say that with love for all the straight therapists out there. It’s just easier for me to talk to some one who is Queer because they get it.

So Queer competent at the least and some one I didn’t share a ton of patient’s with and who takes my insurance and who could accommodate my schedule. Yeah. That task was daunting to me. I talked to a couple of my therapist friends and got some recommendations. Waited a few months. Talked to them again. Got different recommendations.

Then made the call. It’s always good for me to do something like this because it makes me appreciate how nervous clients must be when they are calling me for an intake. I went to the intake, and am super happy with my decision to go back to therapy.

I forgot how nice it is to have a space to break down. I needed to break down. I needed to grieve and discuss my grief with a neutral third party. It’s been incredibly validating and empowering. I also needed to talk to some one who didn’t know my Dad so I could tell stories about him and describe him in detail.

After three or four sessions I felt great. I was thinking, I think I’m done with therapy. Then the non-crazy side of my brain was like, uh no. You don’t fix two years of watching your Dad decline and die after four sessions. We were just scratching the surface.

I also knew of my own clients who felt like they were “done” with therapy, who really weren’t, and who needed to go out and suffer and realize they weren’t done and call a month later for an appointment.

I’ve been open with my family and friends about going back to therapy as I work in mental health and want to #stopthestigma.

I’m not crazy. I was mildly dysregulated due to unresolved and unprocessed grief. I’m working on it. I told my therapist about my impulse to stop coming when I felt so much better and then the reality check I gave myself about it. He laughed and agreed that it’s a thing. People feel better initially and drop out of treatment too early before getting to the real issues.

He also agreed I don’t need to be in therapy forever. But likely a 3-6 more months is realistic. For an hour a week I get to take up space in a way that allows me to be vulnerable and process the death of my Dad. It’s important that I do this work. Unresolved grief can lead to many other sequelae none of which I want to experience.

I also feel it’s important that I practice what I preach. If I’m struggling I need to recognize that and seek treatment. I tell clients every day that they need therapy. I also always say it’s not going to be life long but it takes time to work through complex emotional issues.

I’m giving myself that time. I’m making myself and my feelings a priority.

At the intake he asked me what was the tipping point that made me schedule an appointment. I told him that I now have two extended family members who committed suicide. One was a teenager several years ago, and one was a grown adult earlier this year. Both very different scenarios and both highly functional people one with a bright future snuffed out too soon, and one with a very successful career and family.

I told him that I have been touched by suicide. That I don’t feel suicidal or depressed to that degree at all, but that if I didn’t intervene for my emotional health now I didn’t want to wait until I was at the point of either of these relatives. I’ve seen the worst possible outcomes of untreated mental illness in my own extended family. I don’t want that to be me. I don’t want that to be anyone else in my family or among my clients so I have to walk the walk and not just talk the talk.

I didn’t say it quite that cogently in fact I said it through tears because I feel a deep pain for these family members who took their own lives.

I am a mental health professional and I am in therapy for the second time in my life. I am working out grief related to the loss of my Dad.

I hope any one struggling with mental illness in any way shape or form has the strength and ability to reach out for help when you need it. I hope no one else I know ever commits suicide again. I hope for a future without stigma for my clients and for myself.

I hope if you’re reading this you feel empowered to reach out for the help you need.

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

 

My Favorite Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Muffin Recipe
PCOS & Endometriosis Recipes

My Favorite Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Muffin Recipe

lesbehonest2017Leave a comment

I went gluten free after my diagnosis of endometriosis. I cried a lot. I loved baking. It took me a LONG time to convert all my favorite recipes to a good gluten free recipe. I tried MANY flour combinations. Trust me on this recipe. It was after multiple trials. When I say multiple. I mean probably two years of trials. Many tears. Not as many tears as trying to get a good gluten free banana bread….(which took me 5 years and many more trashed disasters)….but that’s another story.

These muffins are perfect. Try them my way. If you want to change anything after your first go round go ahead. But do them exactly as I describe for the first try. Two years. That’s how long I worked on this recipe. My sons eat it. They actually prefer these to regular gluten filled chocolate chip muffins.

Why chocolate chip muffins? They were my favorite baked good item and I had a perfect recipe for them full of gluten/white flour. It was imperative to me that I have a good gluten free muffin recipe- no weird gluten free aftertaste, a good rise, soft, not too dense, and melt in your mouth good.

These are NOT healthy. Meaning they are not low fat and not low sugar. They are not paleo or Whole 30 friendly. They are just a solid recipe for when you want a good gluten free chocolate chip muffin. Makes 12 muffins.

I’ve not made this vegan- I have used regular unsalted butter which works fine, and I’ve used soy based dairy free butter which also works. I’ve never made without eggs though. The White Rice flour HAS to be Superfine- there are these options on Amazon and with Bob’s Red Mill. You can also add oats but again- stick to the original below first to get a feel for how it looks and bakes. Bake at 400 degrees for 10-15 minutes. Set for 10, check, turn pan so the back doesn’t burn, then set for another 3-4 depending.

If you have a sensitivity to oat flour- you can use 1.5 cups white rice flour and 1/2 cup tapioca flour. It will have a different consistency than pictured though, but still works and still should rise well. I’ve done it when I’ve run out of oat flour.

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Batter should be thick
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Spray the pans with cooking oil
Vegan Chili
PCOS & Endometriosis Recipes

Vegan Chili

lesbehonest2017Leave a comment

I usually have cookieandkate.com and two paleo cookbooks open with vegetarian chili recipes and I combine them into my vegan chili. My wife kept telling me just to write down my version. So this weekend when my cousins came from out of town and I made my vegan chili (again with three references open) I finally wrote it down.

  • 1 onion
  • 4 cloves garlic minced
  • coconut oil (You can use EVOO or avocado oil- personal preference)
  • 1 medium butternut squash (or two bags of frozen B. squash) peeled and cubed OR 1 large sweet potato or both. I’ve done either/or and both.
  • 2 cans crushed tomatoes (no added sugar and low sodium)
  • 1-2 cups vegetable stock or vegetable broth
  • 2 red peppers chopped up
  • 1 bunch kale
  • 1 15 oz can chickpeas (I love chickpeas, you can use kidney beans or two cans of black beans if you feel a certain type of way toward chickpeas:)
  • 1 15 oz can black beans
  • 1 tsp cumin
  • Chili powder (I use a tablespoon, you can use less if you don’t want it that strong)
  • 1 tsp turmeric
  • Fresh cilantro
  • black pepper to taste- I do probably 1/2 tsp
  • 1 tsp oregano
  • chili pepper to taste (I do a sprinkle for a little kick)
  1. Saute onion and garlic in the coconut oil (roughly 2-4 tbsp of oil)
  2. Add the pepper, sweet potato, squash, and any other veggie you may be drawn to (some times I add mushrooms, but it does change the flavor, zucchini or broccoli is good too)
  3. After a few minutes add the tomatoes and broth
  4. Add all the spices, including some chopped fresh cilantro (You can save some for garnish but I never have time for garnish with twins and stuff, so I just throw it all in)
  5. Let that all heat up for about 10 minutes on medium. When it’s heated through add the beans (rinse them first), then add enough water so the liquid covers all the vegetables and beans.
  6. I cook covered then for about 30-45 minutes. Until it’s boiling and all the vegetables are soft and cooked through.
  7. Turn it down to simmer, add the chopped kale, cover let the kale wilt to desired consistency (longer it cooks softer it gets).
  8. If you have time for garnish you can also put some slices of avocado on top of the servings in bowls
  9. This soup is amazing the day of and the days after. It does freeze well too.
  10. I’ve never done it in a slow cooker….I suppose you can, I’d sauté the onion and garlic still first to bring the flavors out, then combine everything in the slow cooker, set to low and cook for 6 hours.

 

This is just after adding beans and cilantro, it’s already boiled, about to cover and simmer….

The Boy and My Cat: Temper Tantrums and Reconciling
lesbian mom · mom of boys

The Boy and My Cat: Temper Tantrums and Reconciling

lesbehonest2017Leave a comment

This morning my sons both wanted to bring their backpacks to daycare because it is show and tell on Friday’s. My boys each are stubborn in different ways. It’s my blessing and my curse. Stubborn kids. I was once a stubborn kid. Now I’m a stubborn adult. Se la vie.

Jackson is a special kind of stubborn. He has preconceived notions about basically everything, that can never be predicted by me or my wife, so we go in blind to every interaction with him.

This morning, as I do every single morning of the months of November-March, after we brushed our teeth I told them to put their coats on.

Jackson had a shit-fit. Apparently he couldn’t possibly wear a jacket and then appropriately wear the backpack. Through screaming and wailing it was relayed to me that somehow wearing a jacket would impede the backpack wearing.

Fine. Don’t wear the jacket. I’ll just bring the jacket. Well that added to the epic meltdown already happening. In the midst of this I also said I would get his Spiderman fleece instead of his big puffy jacket, because the Spiderman fleece would allow for less puffiness and better ability to have the backpack straps on.

This led to more screaming. I ran upstairs. Grabbed the Spiderman fleece. And as I was coming down the stairs and yelling for him to get out to the garage to put his shoes on I hear Declan scream. A surprised and pain scream. I went to the door to the garage. Declan came toward me crying that Jackson hit him in the head with his backpack. Declan looked especially pathetic.

I essentially lost my mind. I went to the stairs where Jackson was sitting, now with his arms crossed looking up at me in fear wondering if I would actually kill him now, I grabbed the backpack, chucked it in the house, and told him to put his shoes on and get in the car.

Of course Declan moved and the backpack that I threw, brushed his hand, and he started crying again asking why I threw the backpack at him, holding up his hand saying it hit his hand.

We were also running late now.

So I’m trying to take deep breaths. Both kids are crying. Jackson finally gets in the car coatless. I have the Spiderman fleece and throw it in my front seat. I hug Declan and tell him I wasn’t throwing the backpack at him, and I was very sorry it brushed his hand. Kissed his hand.

And coddled him into the car. Where he proceeded to recap the events of the last ten minutes and would intermittently say, “Jackson still crying Mama.” “Jackson stopped crying now Mama.” “Oh he started crying again Mama.”

I took deep breaths and put on Frozen II and then Indigo Girls and tried to center myself.

I had grabbed the PJMask toy Jackson wanted to show at show-and-tell so he would still have that. When he stopped crying and I stopped wanting to toss him out of the car we had a discussion about not hitting our brother or anyone in the head with a heavy backpack because it could cause serious injury. With Declan chiming in, “But I okay Mama.” “Yes but what if it hit you in the eye? That would have been bad.”

Then I apologized for throwing the backpack inside. But said people who hit other people in the head with backpacks do not get to bring backpacks to school for show and tell. There were apologies by Jackson to Declan for the head injury and to me for yelling at me and for essentially being a little shit. I also explained that the minimum of bringing a coat is a thing that we do in the Northeast in the Winter. That his teachers would be upset if I brought him to school with no coat.

When I got him out of the car at daycare and hugged him and set him down, he shivered and said, “I so cold Mama,” and immediately asked to put the Spiderman fleece on.

I was thinking a lot of things in my head in that moment. None of them G rated or PG or even PG-13. But I calmly put on his Spiderman fleece. I got Declan out and we went into daycare.

Show-and-tell was a success and when I got home I asked Jackson if he told my wife, Mommy, about this morning. He said yes. My wife said, “He said you threw his backpack.”

I shook my head. Of course that’s where his version would start. Not the fifteen minutes of his own screaming and meltdown that led up to it.

This is life with four year old twins. By the time I’ve walked in the door at work and the woman across the hall greets me I feel like I’ve been through hell. I told her the whole sad story and she was hysterical laughing. Then I started my day with clients.

These boys. These moments. They are chaotic and crazy and I literally can’t make it up. Because I don’t have too. The reality is nutty enough. Then tonight Jackson snuggled with Rajha. Rajha is my cat. Moreso then Maddy. I mean they are both my cats. But Maddy has warmed up to my wife and my sons very easily. She’d be fine without me. Rajha, not the case. She’s obsessed with me. She is actually poking her head over the computer screen at this very moment trying to figure out why I’m paying attention to the computer and not her.

Tonight, when I saw Rajha with Jackson, looking resigned and somewhat content, I thought wow, that little shit. In one day he’s made me lose my mind with anger and frustration and then completely melt me as I watched him finally win over my cat. He’s been trying to get her to like him since he was born. Tonight she laid with him.

It was a sweet moment. About as sweet and lovely as this morning was ugly and chaotic.

Kids. When people say there’s no handbook they mean it. It’s not just handling the bad moments. It’s reconciling the bad moments with the good. It’s being able to move past this morning of horrible-ness to have an evening of happiness. It’s wanting to toss him out of the car this morning and then snuggling with him in bed tonight kissing his nose and smiling and telling him I love him so much. That’s a lot of emotion in one day. For me and for him.

In case I didn’t portray this morning badly trust me. It was bad. So extra.

Tonight. So good.

Tomorrow? My best guess…chaos…crazy….and at some point some magical moment of love…which is why I keep them around. Those little lovely moments where I melt and realize I’ve created these two humans who are totally awesome in so many ways and who reach my heart in ways that no one else can.

One Week Meal Plan Endo/PCOS Paleo
PCOS & Endometriosis Recipes

One Week Meal Plan Endo/PCOS Paleo

lesbehonest2017Leave a comment

There was a lot of moving parts when I was doing this meal prep- but it took me under two hours to complete three different meals with a yield of roughly 10 meals. I was cooking for myself and my wife for the week. The three meals are:

Turmeric Turkey and butternut squash

Skirt Steak with Kale and Sweet potato

Honey Roasted Chicken Thighs with Roast Broccoli and sweet potato wedges

This is how I did it with an air fryer, dutch oven, one cookie sheet, 9×13 pan, and one large frying pan.

Ingredients:

  • 8 chicken thighs/boneless and skinless
  • 1 tbsp honey
  • fresh basil
  • fresh cilantro
  • Extra virgin OO
  • avocado oil
  • ground turkey
  • butternut squash cubed
  • two large sweet potatoes peeled and diced or wedged
  • 2 bunches fresh kale
  • 2 heads broccoli
  • onion powder
  • garlic powder
  • turmeric
  • chili powder
  • paprika
  • black pepper
  • 1 small onion
  • bacon cooked 1-2 strips

You can do any of the following in any order I suppose but this is what worked for me:

Do all your slicing and dicing. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Put the sweet potatoes into the air fryer- toss with avocado oil, chili powder, cumin, garam masala to taste. I have a large air fryer- but needed to run it a couple times with stirring in between. Set for 400 degrees for 10 minutes and start.

Stir honey, 3 tbsp olive oil, and chopped fresh basil and chopped fresh cilantro in a bowl. Toss all the chicken thighs in the bowl and coat them all. Line the baking dish 9×13 with foil. Empty the bowl into the baking dish. Neaten them up so the thighs are all even-ish and drizzle any leftover sauce onto them. Pop them into the oven uncovered and set timer for 45 minutes.

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Honey Glazed Roasted Chicken Thighs with fresh Basil and Cilantro

In the dutch oven on the stovetop- melt coconut or avocado oil. Add 1 small onion, the ground turkey- cook for a few minutes. Add the butternut squash and turmeric, onion powder and some garlic powder, black pepper, and I added extra fresh basil. If it’s not moist enough add 1/4 cup water or chicken broth. I crumbled up some bacon I had leftover from the morning and added that too. Let it cook. I did uncovered for 5 minutes, then covered until cooked through. Then I added one of the bunches of kale that I chopped up.

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Turmeric Ground Turkey Butternut Squash and Kale

Meanwhile- the potatoes have gone through their first round, open the air fryer, stir them up, add oil if needed, then put back in at 400 degrees for another 10 minutes.

Chop the broccoli heads into little pieces. Put on foil lined baking sheet. Drizzle with avocado oil and sprinkle with some black pepper. Put into the oven. Set timer for 10 minutes.

Turn on the frying pan (keep checking the ground turkey in the dutch oven, probably add the kale now) and put a little bit of coconut oil in it. Slice the steak into strips and put on the frying pan. I used onion powder, garlic powder, black pepper, and some chili powder. Cook it through.

Likely broccoli will beep now- stir it around and put back in another 10 minutes.

Check the sweet potatoes. They are probably done. Do another 5 minute round if they need more time.

Take the steak off when done. Chop up the second bunch of kale. Sautee in the leftover steak juices.

Start filling food containers with portions of sweet potato wedges & kale & chicken thigh, sweet potato wedges & broccoli & Steak strips, and the other containers will be servings of the turkey/butternut squash/kale mixture.

Like I said- there are a lot of moving parts but if you keep track of the cooking times, set more than one timer, and have enough containers to just start filling as the food is completed you should come out with some nice meals for the week. They are all paleo compliant and everything except the chicken thighs (because of the honey) are Whole 30 compliant. They are all auto-immune paleo compliant also.

 

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Skirt Steak, roasted broccoli, Sweet potato wedges