When I initially thought about writing this I’m not going to lie, I had a hard time thinking of 10 reasons. Because my brain was inundated with negatives. Discrimination, religion, families, coming out, disowning, the list goes on. I could think of a hundred reasons being a lesbian sucks and they just kept overpowering me. So I took some distance from this piece and came back to it when I was in a better frame of mind. I also talked to some lesbians. They helped. So here goes…
- Lesbian sex is awesome.
- What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Those words have never been more true than for LGBT youth today. An estimated 44% of adolescents who kill themselves identify as LGBT. That’s a huge percentage considering we only make up an estimated 4.1% of the general population (Gallup Pole 2016). All of the negatives that come with being a lesbian- discrimination, religion, disowned by family, etc.- literally kill us but also have the ability to make us stronger. I would not be the woman I am today without facing the adversity I have faced and seen others face. I’ve talked in previous posts about the experiences my sister and my wife had with discrimination within our towns, friends, and families. I learned so much from watching them both over the years. I know so many other painful stories of lesbians who have faced discrimination. Seeing them all traverse adversity with grace and dignity has made me a better person. I could tell you story after heartbreaking story of these people, and they are not all at home lying in the dark because they can’t bear to live. They are working, living, making families, going out, having fun. They are survivors, not victims. They are amazing human beings walking beside you and luckily walking beside me too.
- Fun fact- hospitals will let people of the same gender stay overnight in a double room if needed. So if I was married to a man and was hospitalized and felt I really needed him to stay over night with me, he wouldn’t be able to stay because he is not the same gender as my roommate. But when I was hospitalized for throwing out my back they let my wife stay overnight in the chair next to the bed because I couldn’t move literally, and she was a girl as was my roommate. This also works for any same gender situation. We get to be in the locker room together at the gym (I’m laughing because she NEVER goes to the gym but if you are fitness inclined and so is your wife that would be cool). We get to go into bathrooms together anywhere, and some spas have female only areas and we could be there together too. Sometimes being the same gender works to our advantage.
- People find lesbians intriguing. As a result- any time anyone is invited to a lesbian wedding or party they show up. I mean literally we even had people show up at our wedding who we sort of jokingly invited. I don’t know why, but it happens. So for any lesbians reading this- think about that when planning parties, weddings, showers, etc. They will ALL show up.
- Being a minority has it’s perks. Not many. But they exist. I live in a wonderful state that has laws stating I cannot be fired based on my sexual orientation or gender. For the lesbians that live in other anti-LGBT states (ahem Texas, North Carolina, Mississippi, Arkansas, etc.) I’m sorry. You can be fired and that’s just fucking wrong. But the states that recognize we make up at least 4.1% of the tax-paying, economy driving, population- Thank-you New York, Connecticut, New Hampshire, California, Massachussetts, etc.- they want to attract the LGBT population to their states. Because like I said, we pay taxes, we drive up the economy with the money we spend, and those states are happy to have anyone who will stimulate the economy regardless of sexual orientation. We are sought after to move to areas right now because those states know we are being discriminated against elsewhere and want us to spend our money in states that welcome us with open arms. I’m cool with that. Remember that awful Mayor in California who said crime is down and the economy is up in his city because of “the gays”? As politically incorrect as he was he was right. We rock. And the states that want us, I say should have us. You can guarantee I will not be planning a vacation to any of the states passing anti-LGBT legislation, which means they lose out on all those vacation dollars. I purposefully plan vacations to LGBT friendly states, as do many LGBT families. Remember when the NCAA threatened to pull their finals from NC after they pass the infamous bathroom ban? It was a big deal, NC stood to lose A LOT of money. I don’t really care that it’s motivated by money, because we need people coming to the defense of the LGBT community. I love Target. I never shopped there before the CEO came to the defense of transgender individuals and breastfeeding mothers. Then they recently introduced a line of gender neutral clothing. I mean come on! That’s amazing. For every evangelical Christian they lose as a customer I guarantee they are gaining two more who are raging lesbians. Highlights magazine. I would never have bought three subscriptions to it because I thought it was overpriced. But then they did stories around same sex couples. I was sold. I strongly encourage all LGBT folks to utilize the almighty dollar. It’s one of the few bargaining chips we have. Be mindful of where you spend your money and support LGBT friendly businesses, states, cities, etc.
- Ellen Degeneres. Rachel Maddow. Jane Lynch. Rosie O’Donnell. Jodie Foster. Lily Tomlin. Ellen Page. Kristen Stewart. That’s a list of some formidable intelligent sexy women. Glad their on my team. Being a lesbian is a real thing. And the more celebrities who come out the better, because it’s a way to normalize it. Also, lesbians automatically have something to talk about if we run into any of these people ever. I can see it happening, “Hey Ellen, I’m a lesbian too.” Then we high five and become besties.
- It’s never weird asking your partner to buy you tampons for the first time.
- We don’t have to pay for condoms or birth control. (Public health message to all lesbians- this doesn’t mean we are immune to STDs and this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get a pap smear as recommended by your OB-GYN. We can still get cervical cancer. Drives me nuts that lesbians don’t go to the OB-GYN.)
- Lesbian parties and weddings are so much more fun than straight parties. Going out to gay bars is also more fun that straight bars. People are crazier, more “out” there, and happier. I have a lot of theories as to why, but not sure if any of them are accurate. I thought this even before I was dating and married to a woman. There’s something more laid back about lesbian weddings and parties. All of that gayness in a room I guess, it’s just more fun.
- The best part about being a lesbian is that I am married to someone I truly love. We have both sacrificed so much to be who we are to be with the person we love. And who better than Optimus Prime to summarize “The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how they love them while they’re alive.” When you meet a lesbian couple I can guarantee they have a story. They’ve been through some shit individually and/or together. Lesbian relationships are special because they almost always require sacrifice. Never doubt that lesbian couples love each other fully and deeply living in the here and now with no expectations for the future. To be a part of a deep relationship that faces a society of hatred and discrimination sounds scary, and sometimes it is, but it is also fulfilling in ways that heterosexual white couples just won’t ever understand. Every negative about being a lesbian carries a positive. Why do you think our symbol is a rainbow? We are the calm and the beauty and the different fighting to emerge through a dark storm.
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